☼ Limit my use of “fracking” to its handiness as an adjective paired with the phrase “idiots” to explain individuals who displease me.
☼ Contribute to wholesome forests by educating the red-hatted cultists that watering bushes “with the blood of tyrants” really kills them. Fracking idiots.
☼ Lease a chopper and drop hundreds of enormous plastic bins over the town to remind people who Portland recycles. (And fill all of them with free change to remind people who recycling saves cash!)
☼ Fart solely on odd-numbered days. (This one shall be robust. I could must attend assist group conferences to remain on the wagon.)
☼ Vote for Democrats.
☼ Proceed not interfering with the coal business’s well timed demise.
☼ Retrofit our automobile with hybrid expertise so it solely runs on fuel when the staff of kittens will get too drained to tug it.
☼ Clone a grand military of Greta Thunbergs in my lab. Or, to be extra exact, proceed cloning a military of Greta Thunbergs in my lab.
☼ Get rid of my spent gas rods correctly as an alternative of promoting them to kids as glow sticks.
In brief, as an inhabitant of this spectacular planet, I will proceed to attempt to deal with it with the respect it deserves by following the 4 Rs: “Scale back, Reuse, Recycle, and Reelect Democrats.”
And now, our function presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, April 22, 2021
Word: Because of a totally-foreseen accident involving a meat truck, a military of ferrets in pink jumpsuits and the Jewish house laser, there shall be no C&J on Monday. Again Tuesday to defer all questions concerning the incident to my lawyer. —Mgt.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til President Biden’s 100th day in workplace: 8
Variety of state-level payments making modifications to policing which have handed for the reason that killing of George Floyd a 12 months in the past: 140
Improve in anti-Asian hate crimes within the U.S. final 12 months: 145%
Rank of Caribou ME (104.5″), Binghamton NY (103.2″), and Worcester MA (77.7″) among the many snowiest cities within the japanese U.S. throughout the winter of 2020-21: #1, #2, #3
People polled by Ipsos who imagine Supreme Courtroom justices ought to not have lifetime appointments: 63%
% who assist including 4 extra justices: 38%
Odds of being injured by a bathroom, in line with the CDC, versus a lower than 1-in-1,000,000 probability of growing a blood clot from the Johnson & Johnson vaccine: 1-in-10,000
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Second:
I’m an amazing admirer of John Maynard Keynes, who first identified that authorities must spend cash throughout recessions, however there’s a distinction between frittering cash away on tax cuts for the wealthy and utilizing the general public’s cash for public functions of lasting profit to all.
If Congress needs a public works program, here is one suggestion. Someplace between one third and one half of all the general public colleges in America are between dilapidated and falling aside (a lot of them in rural areas in addition to inside cities). This isn’t an issue addressed by mass testing. To place cash into colleges is a sound funding of public cash. It pays off sooner or later, and also you don’t must do it once more for fairly a while. That might in flip give the ever-pressed faculty districts extra leeway to rent extra and higher academics.
Pet Pic of the Day: President Biden says we’ll have the ability to have yard picnics once more by July 4th. Canines, in fact, can still have them any old time…
CHEERS to turning into a star. The truth that the District of Columbia has extra folks dwelling in it with out official illustration than two of our full-fledged states (pink Wyoming, blue Vermont) was unacceptable way back. However as with all issues federal not having to do with shopping for bombs, Congress has taken its candy time coming round to the belief that this “state” of affairs is verkakte. So as soon as once more it is as much as Democrats to proper the unsuitable and take motion, which they’ll start to do today if all goes according to plan:
The laws, H.R. 51, is anticipated to go within the Home however is prone to hit roadblocks within the Senate, the place 60 votes are required to beat the filibuster.
“The residents of our nation’s capital deserve voting illustration in Congress and full native self-government,” stated Eleanor Holmes Norton, Washington’s Democratic delegate within the Home and the invoice’s sponsor, in a press release applauding the OMB.
“With Thursday’s Home vote and anticipated passage, together with Democratic management of the Senate and White Home, we’ve got by no means been nearer to statehood,” she stated.
Stated Rep. James Comer (R), who will get to freely entry federal assets to serve his constituents in Kentucky: “D.C. statehood is a key a part of the novel leftist agenda to reshape America, together with the Inexperienced New Deal, defunding the police and packing the U.S. Supreme Courtroom.” Couldn’t have stated it higher myself, sir. Let’s get busy.
CHEERS to nice moments in gravity defiance. Only a heads-up (actually) that the second SpaceX Crew mission—with actual folks inside taking off from American soil—has been barely delayed I SAID SLIGHTLY SO JUST CALM DOWN OR I’LL TURN THIS OFFICIAL NASA FUEL TANK DELIVERY VEHICLE I STOLE AROUND AND YOU CAN ALL GO TO YOUR ROOMS. It was presupposed to occur at present, however God, who hates science, threw some “unfavorable” climate circumstances on the Kennedy House Middle. So the launch will happen at 5:49am tomorrow, and as Crew-2 arrives, Crew-1 will put together for departure:
Following a launch Friday, the Crew Dragon carrying NASA astronauts Shane Kimbrough and Megan McArthur, together with JAXA (Japan Aerospace Exploration Company) astronaut Akihiko Hoshide, and ESA (European House Company) astronaut Thomas Pesquet is scheduled to dock to the house station at about 5:10 a.m. Saturday, April 24.
Crew-1 NASA astronauts Michael Hopkins, Victor Glover, and Shannon Walker, together with JAXA astronaut Soichi Noguchi, will undock Crew Dragon Resilience [next Wednesday] at 5 a.m. and splashdown off the coast of Florida 7.5 hours later at about 12:35 p.m., after 164 days in house.
Among the new crew’s experiments: maximizing the house station’s solar-powered electrical grid and experiments on human organ tissue. “Can’t wait to get began,” stated mission chief Colonel Frankenstein.
CHEERS to rebuffing rabid Republicans. Sixty-seven years in the past at present, the Senate Military-McCarthy hearings started. The villain was Ann Coulter’s hero (actually, seriously)—a first-class jerk and pre-Ted-Cruz Ted Cruz named Joseph McCarthy, aided and abetted by future Trump lawyer Roy Cohn (actually, seriously)—for whom it went very badly:
[T]he Military–McCarthy hearings in the end turned the principle catalyst in McCarthy’s downfall from political energy. Every day newspaper summaries had been more and more unfavorable towards McCarthy, whereas tv audiences witnessed firsthand the unethical ways of the junior Senator from Wisconsin.
On December 2, 1954, the Senate voted 67–22 to censure McCarthy, successfully eradicating his affect, although not expelling him from workplace. …
After his censuring, Senator McCarthy continued his anti-Communist oratory, usually chatting with an empty or near-empty Senate chamber.
Turning more and more to alcohol, McCarthy died of hepatitis on Might 2, 1957, at age 48.
Spoiler alert: In the end, he had no sense of decency.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
Former President George W. Bush on Tuesday described the Republican Celebration as “isolationist, protectionist and, to a sure extent, nativist,” his strongest and most direct criticism but in opposition to his personal celebration since leaving workplace in 2009.
Bush’s feedback are notable not solely as a result of he is a former Republican president, however he has largely saved quiet on politics since he left Washington.
In response, Republicans, Democrats and Independents issued a joint assertion: “All of us agree, Captain Codpiece, which you could return to maintaining largely quiet in your bathtub once more with all of your fairly watercolors and indelible disgrace.” And happiness was delivered to the land. What a beautiful two seconds that was.
JEERS to God’s forex. 157 years in the past at present, on April 22, 1864, Congress took a daring stand for the separation of church and state by passing an act that required “In God We Belief” to be stamped on all our coins. Since then, our belief in God has gotten us into a Civil Warfare, two world wars, a bunch of different wars, a Nice Melancholy, two Nice Recessions, and two catastrophic pandemics. I don’t need to appear pushy or something, however I believe perhaps it’s time to alter it to one thing extra helpful. Like, say, something.
Ten years in the past in C&J: April 22, 2011
JEERS to issues which are nonetheless acceptable to say in well mannered firm. Letter to the editor revealed final week within the Portland Press Herald:
Transgendered girls and boys are complicated everybody, and people services which have to supply restroom lodging have been put in a authorized quagmire and are susceptible to all types of lawsuits. King Solomon would supply an answer to this drawback. This resolution would remove the necessity for the [Maine Civil Liberties Union] and costly legal professionals.
He would decree that those that have an Adam’s apple could be despatched to the lads’s room. All others would use the choice. Somewhat frequent sense and the issue is resolved.
I do not know what’s worse: the letter itself (is that you simply writing beneath a pseudonym, Governor LePage?) or the truth that the paper revealed it. However anyway, what he simply proposed, in essentially the most insulting method potential, is that males and ladies only use the men’s room. Wow—I didn’t know King Solomon was such a swingin’ man.
And only one extra…
CHEERS to our April 22 nationwide anthem. Please rise. Or sit. Or take a knee. Or, y’know, no matter’s snug:
And to reply your query: no, Trump nonetheless doesn’t know the phrases to this nationwide anthem, both.
Have a pleasant Thursday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at present?
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